Reflections...inspired by reflections...

yeah. so i was just reading this blog. this blog that belongs to someone that I don't even know. a blog that was basically a jumble of phrases and thoughts seperated by periods. much like this. but you know what. it was very interesting. it reminded me of the sort of writing i use to do. the writing i have saved in a folder labeled "shit writing" on my home computer. a folder full of raw thought. a folder full of my past. a past that is sometimes painful to relive. a folder i should probably delete but can't because for some reason i enjoy rehashing my sorrowful past.

go read the blog that inspired this post reflections

he said some really poinant shit...like "its the dropping of these rain drop thoughts on my tin roof skull that make it so hard to sleep through this very rainy season." very interesting way to put it.

i kinda like writing like this. it makes sense to me. writing in such a simple form. because when i think about it, i am not writing any of this shit with the hope that someone will read it. or am i? if so that is really fucking pathetic. after all, this place, this blog, was intended to be used as a sort of cyber retreat where one may come and spill their guts. not a place for someone to advertise their mundane lives in the hopes that it will garner then some sort of payoff. sorry miguel. mundane was not directed at you.

i have been thinking lately. why haven't i been really sad or reflective? why haven't i had a breakdown in a while. other than my rants concerning my work environment. i can't answer that. i wonder if it is because i am pretending that my life is running smoothly and my "busy schedule" doesn't allow me to be happy? is it because i go to bed at 2am and wake up at 12pm? or is it because my life is actually running smoothly for once? maybe not smoothly. more like a car with a knot in it's tire. why am i thinking about it? again, maybe i enjoy pain and sorrow and sadness. but that couldn't be because i make fun of people who do enjoy all that shit. so i am happy! really...could I be? possibly.

this summer is going good. this is the first summer that i have actually had something to do on a regular basis. i have a job. a job that i like. or did like. i am starting not to like it so much. people here are making me hate it. that's sad. i shouldn't let them dictate how i feel about this place. there are lots of things i shouldn't do. like stay at the fucking college until 1:42 in the morning. do you know how crazy that is. i am addicted to the internet all over again. i am glad i don't have it at home or i would shut myself up in my room and never come out. sometimes i think that the internet is like a drug. it is so addictive. in fact, i know it is like a drug. because when i lost it. when my mom took it away. i went fucking b-a-n-a-n-a-s. i lost my mind. i thought that there was no more to life outside that computer screen and the faceless names that i spent hours talking to in some random, seedy chatroom. i am thankful that i got it turned off. i think i am better for it. and plus...my eyes don't hurt as much anymore.

i am tired. i need sleep. i should have been asleep like 3 hours ago. or at least home. oh well. i want shampoo. i hate the feeling of knowing there is nothing to wash my hair with. it gets so greasy. i like to wash it at night and in the morning. i think i have ocd. i hope not because it can't be cured with tylenol. anyway. this has been interesting and a little insightful. it was a new approach. hope you enjoyed it. wait! what am i saying. i don't expect anyone to read it....oh fuck it! yes i do. and i expect them to post comments. good morning.