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so here's the thing...I don't get people, like a lot of people...I just don't get them.

people tend to confuse me, or annoy me, or piss me off...people tend to be fake...not all just most...well not most...like 2 or 3!

I hate fake people...people who are fake for personal gain...not fake like me, fake to be fake for fake's sake...people who really try and fool people with their stupid smiles and coy gestures of affection or admiration...please, JUST STOP!

i hate people who think that the relationships they have ACTIVELY built and constructed through ridiculous means of munipulation make them cool or more admirable or more respected or more mature and a little less awkward and for the most part a LOT less real and genuine and therefore a lot less fucking desirable as a friend.

so I'm ranting...about who...just people...people that are...people who breathe and perhaps I hear them breathing occasionally...but oh well.

i miss the old stuff that I knew and was comfortable with...I miss the old ears that cared to listen and the old mouths that spoke truth and sincerity...i miss the old nights when conversation about everything and yet nothing at the same time flowed like water over the falls...i miss familiarity.

i do think that all people are inherently good, don't I? well at least i try and believe that...i want that to be true...but somewhere along the way people get distracted and knocked of track...or in some cases, purposely take an alternate route that they deem more appropriate and a little less bumpy...but i like bumps...really...were it not for bumps and I mean some BIG ass bumps...I would not be HALF the person I am today...and honestly, for the most part, i like the person i am today.

I'm real...or so i like to think. i'm me. more me than anybody else could ever be. i'm only good at being me. i can't be anyone else...i was another person, whether I want to admit it or not and whether it was something i chose to be consciously or not, another person for 15 years...well...that got old and i had to be me. and it works for me. or so I thought.

i don't get it...i ususally say what I am thinking and feeling...i joke and kid and am sarcastic and over the top and overbearing at times and perhaps a little too much to handle...i can see and admit that, but i did and still do think that i am approachable...especially by my friends, people who have talked to me about deeply personal things and know me and i think i know them and we should be able to talk to each other...

intimidated...of me...i'm intimidating...that's almost flattering condsidering i'm a sissy...but i don't want to be intimidating...i miss those who were not intimidated by me...who knew me...the me that is left when the jokes have been told and the smartass retorts have been delivered...i miss that...people who just knew what i was doing and understood and loved me and cared for me and people who's lives i played an intergral part of...

well...people should stop for a while and stop planning and scheming and munipulating and lying and running and hiding and fucking GET REAL...then this could all work.

and hell is really a resort in florida with a swimming pool and endless pina colodas...hmmm...maybe so!

Japanese toothache.

yeah. so I just ate Fuji's.

there was a bone or some hard piece of dog bone or a small child's fibula...who knows.

it cracked my tooth.

damn them. I always knew that woman was up to something. she's too nice.

UGH!

Why Bother?

Ok, so where have I been? Perhaps this link would better explain.

WARNING: IT'S ADDICTIVE!

I am so addicted to myspace, it's really not good for me. I am there all the time. I can't stop myself. Really, please go and get addicted as well so I don't feel so bad.

So people what's new with you all? I'm tired. Tired of school. Tired of classes. Tired of the same ol' shit everyday. I am tired of waking up and going to sit in a class and listen to a lecture about shit that I don't really care about, like spanish for instance. I mean honestly, I want to be doing things that I care about. I want to be designing and building sets for broadway. I want to be creating things, making ideas into reality. I want to be creative. I want to do things.

I'm sorry. I have had like...a lot...of years of school...like 15 or something. Whatever. The thing I hate the most is that every year it's the same shit, english, math, science, social studies, exploratories...does anyone remember those?, it's just more of the same. The only difference is that we elaborate on the shit we have already learned. I'm not going to use the majority of the shit that I am learning right now. All those formulas in math...what the hell...like that is ever going to needed in MY everyday life.

Perhaps I should just quit school and leave and try and make it just doing whatever. That sounds great, but yeah, it's never going to work. When I think about it...the only reason that we do all this shit is because society deems it as important. We need to know a little bit about everything. But why? The way I see it is like this...we all have things that we are good at...things we love to do...things that some may refer to as our "callings", so why in the hell can't we just do those things.

Ok, I'm sure that my ranting interests no one but me, so I'll shut up.

Well damn...I feel like I should post more. I don't really feel like telling you about all the boring stuff that I've been doing since my last post. I mean, most of you who are going to read this were actively involved in the things I've done. So, you alreay know.

ok...I'm tired.

p.s. jake

ASAP me back!