Contemplative.

Thoughts resulting from seeing Brokeback Mountain
Current mood: contemplative


Ok. so I just saw the movie that your preacher has forbade you to see. The movie about two cowboys...yes, cowBOYS who fall in love while watching some sheep on a mountain together.

It's about more than sheep and mountains and cowboys, it's about pure, passionate, unadulterated, unbridled love. This had to be the most beautiful, moving, gut-wrenching portrayal of love I have yet to see. I was moved me to tears and hyperventilation in the theatre.

It made me think about the type of relationship I am looking for. I now have a clear understanding of the sort of thing I am searching for and am looking to find. I want to find me a man. A MAN. A man who can shoot a wolf, cook some beans, make a fire using only a stick and a piece of pine straw, lasso a cow, ride a bull, pitch a tent and still hold me tenderly underneath the stars. Sleep beside me next to a campfire. Who's warm body next to mine feels handmade and crafted especially for the two of us.

I want love. Not some silly, trite, stupid, childish, pretentious love, but a real love. I want someone to hold me, all of me. I want arms to wrap around me and protect me from the world. I want to give my love to someone. I have so much love to give and I am ready to share that with another special individual. It's time.

I want to go fishing. I want to run up on a bear and fall off of my horse so that my guy can nurse me back to health. I want to be in the presence of a person who loves me and care for me and I feel connected to and who I can love without end.

I hope I find this love someday. Someday soon.

*Sigh