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Reflections...inspired by reflections...

yeah. so i was just reading this blog. this blog that belongs to someone that I don't even know. a blog that was basically a jumble of phrases and thoughts seperated by periods. much like this. but you know what. it was very interesting. it reminded me of the sort of writing i use to do. the writing i have saved in a folder labeled "shit writing" on my home computer. a folder full of raw thought. a folder full of my past. a past that is sometimes painful to relive. a folder i should probably delete but can't because for some reason i enjoy rehashing my sorrowful past.

go read the blog that inspired this post reflections

he said some really poinant shit...like "its the dropping of these rain drop thoughts on my tin roof skull that make it so hard to sleep through this very rainy season." very interesting way to put it.

i kinda like writing like this. it makes sense to me. writing in such a simple form. because when i think about it, i am not writing any of this shit with the hope that someone will read it. or am i? if so that is really fucking pathetic. after all, this place, this blog, was intended to be used as a sort of cyber retreat where one may come and spill their guts. not a place for someone to advertise their mundane lives in the hopes that it will garner then some sort of payoff. sorry miguel. mundane was not directed at you.

i have been thinking lately. why haven't i been really sad or reflective? why haven't i had a breakdown in a while. other than my rants concerning my work environment. i can't answer that. i wonder if it is because i am pretending that my life is running smoothly and my "busy schedule" doesn't allow me to be happy? is it because i go to bed at 2am and wake up at 12pm? or is it because my life is actually running smoothly for once? maybe not smoothly. more like a car with a knot in it's tire. why am i thinking about it? again, maybe i enjoy pain and sorrow and sadness. but that couldn't be because i make fun of people who do enjoy all that shit. so i am happy! really...could I be? possibly.

this summer is going good. this is the first summer that i have actually had something to do on a regular basis. i have a job. a job that i like. or did like. i am starting not to like it so much. people here are making me hate it. that's sad. i shouldn't let them dictate how i feel about this place. there are lots of things i shouldn't do. like stay at the fucking college until 1:42 in the morning. do you know how crazy that is. i am addicted to the internet all over again. i am glad i don't have it at home or i would shut myself up in my room and never come out. sometimes i think that the internet is like a drug. it is so addictive. in fact, i know it is like a drug. because when i lost it. when my mom took it away. i went fucking b-a-n-a-n-a-s. i lost my mind. i thought that there was no more to life outside that computer screen and the faceless names that i spent hours talking to in some random, seedy chatroom. i am thankful that i got it turned off. i think i am better for it. and plus...my eyes don't hurt as much anymore.

i am tired. i need sleep. i should have been asleep like 3 hours ago. or at least home. oh well. i want shampoo. i hate the feeling of knowing there is nothing to wash my hair with. it gets so greasy. i like to wash it at night and in the morning. i think i have ocd. i hope not because it can't be cured with tylenol. anyway. this has been interesting and a little insightful. it was a new approach. hope you enjoyed it. wait! what am i saying. i don't expect anyone to read it....oh fuck it! yes i do. and i expect them to post comments. good morning.

Lord. I am so tired. It is 1:26 AM, grant you, and I am sitting here at the college...why you ask? Well...I went to help my dear friend Ashley, Purvis that is, paint her room. It is going to look so cute...it is this really nice blue, aqua color...LOVING IT!!! But yeah, so I told her I would earlier in the week...or last week I guess it would be, so I felt obligated and I left what I was doing here at work and went to help. Well I thought I would go and paint for an hour and come back and finish and go home. Not the case! I was there like 5 hours. We didn't get much done between the trips, TWO trips, to Walmart and the incident with the MOUSE...yeah...that was fun. But I had a good time. But I forgot about work and I had left everything on here so I am back to turn it all off, but of course, being there internet freak that I am...I have to check mail and post a blog and chat a little bit...you know...the usual.

Today was a good day at work. I got here and things started slow...Kevin was asleep as usual. The boy is ALWAYS asleep...which I usually don't mind. But today when I went in to ask Pete, my boss, a question...she was like, "Shhhh! Don't be so loud. Kevin is sleeping!" I thought...what...AND...wake him up...want me to do it? Like I gave two and half shits that the boy was asleep...this work...not the UnQuality Inn! Please...wake his ass up. Yeah...so that was fun.

Then I was sitting in her doing my work and Pete came in and took the girls into the hall...I thought they were plotting something...or talking about me...but then they came in with a birthday cake and candles...I was shocked. It was late, but she remembered nonetheless. I was so happy. And believe me, that cake, that chocolate cake with pecans...lord...it was SOOOO good. And it had 20 candles and one big one in the middle that played Happy Birthday. Isn't that sweet. She told me she got me a card, but it was raining and she would give it to me tomorrow...or today actually.

Then, she asked me and Whitney and Rachel and Kareem to go with her to pose in front of certain places on campus...Peterson Hall, Thrash Hall, The Gates, The Stadium...etc. So Whitney started complaining that she didn't look cute and so Pete took us all over to the bookstore and bought us SGC shirts. I picked out a really cute 3/4 length shirt that was grey with blue writing and sleeves...it was like $30...it was soo cute. So we put them on and went outside where it was like 32341234924094 degrees. I swear to you...I thought I was going to melt. The shirt was cute, but I realized that it wasn't really made for summer wear...it was more for like the dead of winter. Yeah. After we took the pictures she told us what they were for. They are making a calendar of SGC and we were the freaking models for the 12 months...that is cool I guess...but I am not really trying to be a model...so..Hmmm!

Then...and someone please tell me why this keeps happening to me! I was sitting in here, cooling off and doing putting the pictures on Petes I drive, so she could pick out the 12 she was going to send. I got tired and layed...lied...lay...whatever the fuck it is, I never use the correct form of lay...fuck it...down to take a nap. I was awakend to the sound of laughter coming from the other room...where Pete and the other workers were looking at the pics. My intuition...that is very good...told me that it was about me. So I went across the hall and Pete was like, "Did you hear what I said?" I was like "No! But I want to know what it was. It must have been funny!" She was like, "It is going to make you mad!" This was the same setup that Pepijn used to prepare for that disgusting ass comment that you may recall from a previous post. I was like...not again! So she said, "Whitney was just telling me that she was poking out her boobs and I told her that you were too and that you had her beat by a little bit!"

Yeah...so I don't if you know this or not, but people who are fat, for one, are usually a little sensitive about the issue of their fatness. Maybe some hide it better than others, but hey, they still don't like for it to shoved in their faces by people they call friends. So I wasn't as shocked as with Pepijn...it is no where near as bad...but I was still a little taken back by the fact that SHE had said it. She was like, "I know it was mean and I usually don't say things like that!" The reason it bothered me is because in order to work for Pete, you must listen to her rules for a good work environment. Her number one rule...the one she stresses the most is that she doesn't like anyone who tries to bring others down or says things to make them feel bad! I was thrown off by her comment...does she not follow her own rules?

It makes me wonder...why do people who try so hard to be nice and funny and make others happy always end up getting hurt or upset? I don't know...I suppose like my wise friend Samantha Burton says..."It is much easier to hurt someone that tries to make others happy!" That is true, I think. Who knows. I suppose I need to fucking loose this massive amount of ass that I am carrying around...God Damn...Obviously it is starting to intrude on other people's space. I don't mean to annoy others with my fatness...I thought everyone was ok with it...I guess not. So...look forward to a new and improved Jacoba Queenie coming soon!

So after that comment, I left and went and got some Fuji's Terriyaki Chicken...it was so good.

But yeah, that was my day...and it rained today and it is so hot and humid outside. I hate it!

I guess that is enough for now...oh, before I forget...I figured out how to put links to other people's blogs and livejournals...so if you want me to add you, leave you url and I will do it. Thanks and have a wonderful day.

Later Taters....NO...shit that is a carb....um, let me think....ok...Bye Pie...fuck...are there no salutations that rhyme with skinny food items...Lord. Adios...that's mexican...it works...there's lettuce on tacos.

BIRTHDAY BLISS!

Well...it was my birthday yesterday. I turned the big 20! I am so happy. Now I can legally beat up old ladies as they cross the street! What more could a boy ask for?

I got some cool stuff. I got a nice flourescent orange hat and some "Made In China" bedroom slippers from Whitney and Rachel. They were cool. Thanks guys.

I got some wonderful gay porn from Samantha. You're the best. Enjoy "Big Blue!"

I got some clothes and a cake from my mother and I am getting Reno 911 season two on DVD! I love that show. It is so awesome.

The cake was good, the shoes didn't fit and I fell asleep during the porn. But all in all, it was great day and I appreciate everyone for telling me "Happy Birthday!" That is what matters the most, friends! As long as I have my friends then I am set.

Hope you all have a wonderful day. [Insert higher being's name here] Bless you all! Toodles.

Sand, Hurricanes, and an 8 hour ride of fun!

Hello all who read this. It is that time again. Yes, time to update the old bloggie-pooh. I know how much you all love to read about my Superior life and wait in anticipation for your nourishment that is MY EXPERIENCES. [Please ignore all that…sometimes I get verbally retarded.]

Well a lot has happened since the last time that I talked with you all…seeing as how it has been like a year. Where to start? I think I will start with…oh what the hell. I’ll just do as I always do and begin at a random spot and ramble for about a hour and stop.

My life has been good for the past few weeks. It has been calm and maintained a very comfortable pace that has allowed me to chill out and enjoy things more that I usually do. I work. I think we have already discussed this. My work is fun and allows me to utilize the internet when I otherwise wouldn’t be able to. I get to ride on small motor vehicles and look at semi-hot guys all day. It’s nothing I can complain about. I use to feel the freedom to express all my feelings on this thing, but since I have given so many people directions on how to find my rant page, I now how to censor what I say.

My New York trip…I think you also know about that as well. If not I will fill you in. Miguel, Samantha, Pepijn (you may remember his retarded ass from my last post), and myself are planning a trip to New York for mid July. We are trying to make it as cheap as possible, but it is still quiet expensive at the moment. I really want to go…but I have yet to feel excited about it. Each of us has our reasons for going. I want to see Wicked, Miguel wants to get wicked with Freddy, Sam wants to see Reza and needs to admit that, and Pepijn…oh who cares. Maybe he will fall out the plane, just kidding.

If I am able to go, I hope that once we get there it doesn’t turn into four individual adventures. I want us to go as a group and enjoy it as a group.

I just returned from the beach on Saturday. I went to Hutchison Island, about an hour from Miami, with Drew, Mark, and Ashley. We stayed in Ashley’s dad’s condo. It was nice. The beach was incredible. I am not really into that scene, but this place was very pretty and not at all like most other beaches. There were not many people there, mainly retired people and a few tourists. We had the condo all to ourselves since he dad worked at night and slept during the day.

We left Douglas at 3 am on Thursday and got to the beach at about 10:30 am. We took a little nap (long drive) and then went to the beach. I didn’t get in because I was still sleepy and ill. We went and ate at Applebee’s, which was a little skanky. We went back to the beach and swam a little more, rode around and tried to see what there was to do around town. We bought some lasagna and other food items and went back to the condo to cook and watch the Butterfly Effect. Yeah. Plans got put on hold due to the evening HURRICANE. WTF!?! I mean this was the most powerful weather that I have ever been in. The lights in the condo went out and we had to walk up 11 flights of stairs. IT WAS SO EXHAUSTING. We got to the room and just sat there looking at the storm out over the ocean…it was really beautiful. Finally the lights came on and we cooked and it was SO FREAKING GOOD. I fell asleep during the movie.
The next day we spent at the beach. We played in the water and built sand castles. We got in the pool which I like more than the beach. Oh, the pool. At the pool we met the Michael Jackson of Hutchison Island. This old man, who helped us find the staircase the night before, who was dressed like the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island, came out to the pool where all these little kids were playing and started throwing money, change, into the pool for them to dive for. They loved it and I am sure it was innocent, but it looked strange. This man had these kids trained before I knew it…he had them chanting songs and slogans and doing flips. I thought I was at Sea World watching the Dolphin Spectacular show. He was like the Pied Piper of the Swimming pool. I thought that all these kids were going to get out and follow a trail of cookies and nickels up to his room. But what got me was that he threw some money in the deep end for us to dive for. I didn’t because I thought it would be like signing some sort of sexual contract. Yeah, we got pictures…it was fun.

We got out the pool…burned and irritated. We went in took showers and went to eat at Carraba’s. If you have never eaten there, it is like Olive Garden, but SO MUCH BETTER.!!! We had to wait for like an hour and a half outside with a Cher impersonator and other odd people. When we did get in to our seats, SURPRISE…another evening hurricane. The lights went out and most people left. Since they cook on wood burning stoves, the room quickly filled with smoke. The stupid ass people sitting near the windows didn’t realize that SHUTTERS could actually be opened to let in light. I had to tell them. IDIOTS, GAH!

Once the waitress told us that our meal was on the manager, and considering it was around $80, we waited it out. I got the Chicken Parmesan and it was soooo good. We got dessert and no one liked it but me…oh well, twice the Tiramisu. We left and tried to find the movie theatre to watch the late show, but since no one there can give directions, we never made it. We went home and tried to go to sleep but couldn’t because the A/C was broken and it was like 80 degrees in the room. Mark and I went down to the lobby where it was freezing cold, I left a complaint and we contemplated sleeping out in the hallway, but I didn’t think that was a good idea. I finally fell asleep and we left Saturday around 10 am.

We were going to eat lunch with Pepijn, but missed the exit and settled for Burger King instead. Sorry Poo-pain. We got home around 4:30 that afternoon and I went home to go to sleep, but since me brother and nephew camped out in my room all weekend I had to clean and wash my sheets. DAMN THEM! They need to stop.

That was my time. I am at work again, and I found out that I don’t get paid until Friday which pissed me off. I need money cause my dad is out of town at work and I have no one to give me money…I am gonna cry! I am starting to peel and it itches. I hate this part of going to the beach.

My birthday is tomorrow…I don’t expect much to happen. My birthdays are always like just another day to me. I haven’t had a party in a long time. I was supposed to have like 3 parties but always had something else come up. Well…I am going to get back to doing nothing, I mean work. So I will talk to you faithful readers later. Until then, be good and remember…A frog in the pan in worth two…dollars at a Chinese Market.

Boy's Don't Cry...my ass

It has been a little while since I last posted. I meant to post after last weekend, but never got around to it. I will catch you up now.

Last weekend was fun. I think....I am sort of forgetting what happened. Oh yeah, last weekend was the Drew and Mark going to London bash. What fun that was. A group of us were suppose to have dinner at out most fancy establishment...Ruby Tuesdays. Attendees included Me, Mark, Drew, KT, Sam, Laura, Shanda, Ashley, Sean, and Corey. Shanda's boyfriend came later. I must tell you...I am not the biggest fan of one Sean Cliett or his boyfriend Corey. Sean is, or was, the epitome of what I hate about gay boys. He was a sassy, swishy, little bitch and he always did whatever to draw the most attention to himself. He went to Wild Adventures, South Georgia's version of Disneyland, and it was like the middle of winter. The boy got out with a sheer shirt on that was totally unbuttoned and the wind was whipping through it and I was like "Sean, button that shit up. Not everyone wants to see your 'amazing' abs." Yeah.

So I got there late, which is never good. I sat down and ordered...the most delicious cheese burger ever. Love those cow patties. I hated the table setup...we had two smaller tables pulled together making one long table which always makes for small group conversation and I like to talk to everyone. Near the end of dinner a couple of us decided to go and hang out at Wheeler Park and hatched a plan to take Sean and Corey home...no one wanted them to go.

Oh, before I forget, Corey does crack apparently; I know he almost overdosed on meds one time. Any who, while eating the cops pulled someone over in the Ruby's parking lot and Corey was so nervous, he just stopped eating and watched them outside...I don't know if he had some crack on him or what the fuck, but it was strange. We went to the park and talked and played on the colorful metal structures and took photos and walked and swung on the swing set. It was fun. Again, this is Douglas so please don't get smart bitch. After that we all went home.

That was the night that Kyle was having the funeral for his friend Ashley, as if the boy hasn't had enough death to deal with already. Gotta love him. He couldn't make it to dinner, but he wanted me to call him after and go and do a 'ghost talk' in a local grave yard with his new Ouija board. I didn't call and we didn't talk with any ghost.

The week was boring and I didn’t get to work at all hardly. Pete needed to recoup from her trip to Italy and all those drinking games. Lord, you have to know Pete. I tried to fill out my FAFSA…and let me tell you how much I hate those stupid things. GOODNESS! They are so aggravating. It is completely finished except for the parent’s signature, and it won’t let me sign with my mom’s pin. DAMN IT! Maybe I can get it to work at some point. I called and got that robotic phone person…I hate her. Enough about that.

Then we have this weekend. It was fun. Mr. Netherlands himself, Pepijn came to visit from FSU and we had a ball. Thursday we all got together and went and ate at Fuji’s. It was fun until the very end. Everyone was passing their plates to me to give to the waitress, and I asked…”Why are all y’all passing them all to me?” and Pepijn said…”Because you look like you eat a lot!” And I was like…awwlll...look, you are from a foreign country and that’s cute. Don’t do it again! Haha. Then we left and went and watched a movie called Simon Birch….it was really sad and good.

Friday…we all met up at Woody’s. It was good and we laughed and such. We ate and then we went to Drew’s house and talked and watched TV and then we played hide-n-seek. Except KT that is…she went to keep Justin company because he was guarding the ‘Big Dog’ van from terrorists in the Sounds Good parking lot. I hope he gets paid well for that. Poor boy. Anyways…then we all did something else and went home.

Ok…Saturday. I had planned on going to Valdosta with Kyle and Sam…but Kyle had problems the night before and couldn’t make it and Sam had to have dinner with her family…so I was left alone to either sit at home or go out alone. Drew called me and told me that he was in Valdosta with Ashley and Pepijn and when would I be there. I told him I could go and he said I should drive there and someone would ride home with me. So I got in my old truck that I didn’t have any faith in and started on my way to the big V. I got there and met everyone at Longhorn and we had dinner. They brought out 2 things of bread and I asked why and Pepijn pointed at me as the reason. Apparently I loves the bread.

So I was thinking…this boy keeps making these weird comments about me and I am getting tired of it. We went to Books a Million and I got the latest Advocate and then we went and watched Cinderella Man. I don’t like those sorts of movies for the most part, but it was really good…I cried a little. We then went home and Ashley rode with me. We started the trip off singing, but then got into a really deep convo about my coming out and other related topics. It was good…we bonded and the night ended with a hug…awwll precious.

That was it for Saturday and then on Sunday…I went over to Drew’s house and we all watched Latter Day’s. It is a really campy and yet inspiring movie. I think that you all should watch it. So we did that and then we talked and such…Ashley went home to spend time with her father and me and Drew and Pepijn were left to entertain ourselves. I brought up the subject of time and the fact that it goes by really fast…Pepijn…or as I now call him, Vinkus McGoo…you remember that really smart kid from that show Boy Meets World…yeah, that’s Pepijn. He has a cell phone with internet and he is always on that googling crap…I was like, BOY PLEASE STOP!!!

But here is the thing that got me…we were talking and Pepijn asked how old I was and I told him, 20. He then asked me what I had done with my 20 years. He said…”What have you done for those 20 years, except eat?” I was shocked, stunned, pissed; I didn’t know what to think really. I wasn’t upset at the comment as much as the fact that this boy said such an asinine thing to me. I mean really…does he have no filter between his head and mouth. And for someone who has the facial structure of Doug…he needs to stop making rude comments. I bitched him out and he started crying a little and then I said “Goodnight!” and went to mi casa.

That was my past few weeks. I hope you enjoyed them. I am now here in Pete’s office doing what the school considers ‘work’, and I have to say…I like it! I don’t get paid much, but you know what….for what I have to do…that’s fine. Until next time kiddies…post many comments and tell me how stupid Pepijn is and how you still love me and I will talk to you all again soon.